Finding Your Confidence with Your Therapist
Having some history as a therapist and a client of therapy, a certain therapeutic struggle struck a chord in me. That struggle involves the sometimes small, but notable ways we can feel about voicing our needs as clients. I found that I was not alone in this, as I spoke to friends and family about their own experiences of hesitating to voice certain things in sessions.
Your therapist does want to hear if you feel concerns or confusion around the work you are doing, or if you feel it is too difficult. Really, any concerns are welcome. This can be easier said than done. Even therapists who are used to being open and receptive to what is needed may forget or have some internal protest when they are in the client seat.
Below are a few examples. If they resonate with you, notice if the energy or responses feel or sound younger. These parts may still be following rules or holding beliefs from childhood.
“I’m trying to do what the therapist is asking, but I’m having a hard time…and don’t want to confess that I can’t do it.”
“I can’t take a bathroom break in the middle of my session! I’m paying to do important work here!”
“I have to stay calm and seated in my session. That is what I’ve experienced and that is how therapy always looks on TV shows.”
Therapy can be a great space to start getting into a relationship with the parts of us that bravely step up to help do things even when they do not know how to do them or cannot do them.
Bathroom breaks may take a little time away from the session. Though, fighting against physical or mental needs can hinder one’s ability to stay engaged in deep work. Snacks and hydration are helpful too!
As for staying calmly seated or being still, this may be an opportunity to notice and honor your individual needs. This includes having perspective to see what exceptions and experiments are welcome. Maybe your neurotype needs the stimulation of doing something with your hands or moving your body more. Sometimes, parts of us that are pushed aside day to day may benefit by briefly using your voice and body to express themselves, and hence be better known by us. Your therapist can help you negotiate what feels right and address concerns from other parts.
Some of the greatest gifts of therapy can be feeling increased confidence and choice. The work can include noticing those moments of hesitation around voicing your needs or discomfort in a session. As always, it is helpful to take your time in noticing and hearing out that anxious or commanding voice inside of you, especially if it is related to your therapist and your work together. You can share when and in a manner that feels safe for your parts. It may feel more comfortable to state a concern in writing, or to say, “I’m struggling with something and it’s hard to voice it to you.” These are small but powerful ways to let our young parts see what is possible, one step at a time.