A Four Corners Counseling & Well-Being Blog series
Q: How does IFS help with depression?
A: By respectfully and compassionately witnessing and healing the parts that hold the pain and the experience of depression.
As an IFS therapist, I have seen depression show up in a lot of different ways. Sometimes a person cannot get out of bed consistently, or adequately care for themselves or others, or get to work regularly. Other times, a depressed person is functioning in their daily lives, but feeling empty and hopeless inside. And often, the symptoms of depression ebb and flow. It’s not the same every day or week. Someone might feel mostly okay, but have a deeper feeling of unhappiness or persistent loneliness.
What is Depression?
Depression is not the same for everyone. Depression is a collection of thoughts, feelings and behaviors particular to each individual. It shows up as a unique combination of biological, psychological and social factors including:
A low mood accompanied by low energy
Nervous system disregulation that leads to lack of focus and motivation, or restlessness and irritability
Negative self-talk and self-image
Protective responses to overwhelming and stressful situations or relationships.
IFS therapy offers a compassionate, non-shaming and non-pathologizing way to work with depression.
What is IFS (Internal Family Systems), briefly?
IFS was developed by Richard Schwartz, a marriage and family therapist and professor, in the 1980s. The premise of IFS is that the mind is naturally made of multiples, or “parts,” and a core “Self” that can provide a non-judgmental and compassionate home base for those parts - hence, the “Internal Family System.” The concept of “multiple personality” is normalized in IFS and is not a pathology.
As he was developing the IFS model, Dick Schwartz listened to his patients (many of whom were eating disorder patients, and some of whom had self-harming tendencies) and heard them talking about their different “parts.” E.g., “a part of me really wants to be healthy and another part of me wants to criticize myself and tell me what a failure I am.” Dr. Schwartz listened very carefully, and began to notice a pattern to these parts. There were parts, often from a very young age, who carried emotions, pain, shame, trauma, fears and burdens of belief.
Dr. Schwartz named these young, burdened parts “exiles” because the pain and trauma that these parts carry are pushed down in an attempt to not feel the pain or be hurt again. Dr. Schwartz also named two types of protective parts that work hard to avoid the pain of the exiles:
Proactive “managers” who help the system function in day to day life and not feel the exile’s pain and shame and trauma
Reactive “fire fighters” (sometimes called “first responders”) who react when any of that hurt and pain is activated, which inevitably happens in life and relationships.
Abiding through all of this is the Self (also called “Self energy”), which is a calm, curious, compassionate core present in everyone. Self energy which is available to every person, once the parts unblend and create some space for the qualities of Self energy to be accessible. These qualities include: calm, compassion, curiosity, creativity, connectedness, courage, clarity, and confidence. Everyone can access these qualities within themselves, once their parts - including parts that hold depression symptoms - are not completely obscuring the Self. It is like the sun and the clouds. The sun is always shining, even when it is completely cloudy. A depressed mood is like a heavy cloud cover. When the parts that make up that mood, that cloud cover, can be recognized and connected to with compassion and curiosity, the clouds (the parts) slowly and surely begin to part, and the sun (the Self) begins to shine through.
The process of IFS therapy helps an individual to notice and acknowledge the various parts that are a part of their unique internal system. This “unblending” then allows the Self energy to flow more freely in one’s internal system - which is closely related to the autonomic nervous system. When a person’s nervous system is more regulated, they are able to pick up on cues of safety from their body, from others, and the world, and respond with openness and connection. And, they are more resilient to cues of stress that inevitably occur.
Depression through an IFS lens
When viewed from the perspective of IFS, depression can be understood in multiple ways:
As exiled parts that carry burdens such as shame, worthlessness, grief, or loneliness, and additional somatic parts that carry the physical symptoms of depression.
As the result of protective strategies developed over time to shut down emotional pain, to avoid more hurt, and to avoid situations that are stressful or overwhelming.
As the unintended effects of self-talk, often in the form of a critical and shaming inner “manager.” This negative self-talk can contribute to depression and low self-esteem by attempting to get a person to function better or deal with a situation more competently, but inadvertently causing more shame and self-judgment.
Whether depression is an exile or a collection of managers doesn’t matter too much when it comes to depression treatment with IFS. What matters more is how a person begins to notice, acknowledge and understand these parts of themselves. When an individual can courageously face the pain that they are carrying, with the support and guidance of an IFS therapist, they are able to change the protective yet ultimately ineffective strategies that have been developed over time in an attempt to be safe or to not hurt.
How IFS therapy can help with depression - In the therapy room and in real life
In therapy, an IFS therapist will first bring a curious and non-judgmental invitation to the client to begin to explore these parts that make up the client’s depression. The therapist will invite the client to notice the depression and ask:
What does it feel like in your body?
Where do you notice it?
How do you feel toward it (rather than what you think/judge about it)?
It is important to not judge what is coming up in the body. This is the fundamental mindful stance of an IFS therapist - and also the stance of the unburdened Self of the client. When symptoms of depression are met with curiosity and compassion, there is less need to hide or feel shame or self-protection.
In the safety of the therapy space and therapeutic relationship, the individual can begin to be curious about how depression shows up inside of themselves. The client and therapist together can learn about what projectors are activated, such as that weighty feeling of just not wanting to get out of bed, or the heavy sadness that comes when a person is not distracted by work or being out in the world, or that shame that they are carrying for having depression at all.
IFS allows an individual to begin to relate to their parts as meaningful aspects of themselves that deserve attention, care and compassion, and not as all of them. “My depression is a part of me and not all of me” can be a very empowering statement for a client to embrace. Once a client is able to talk openly about their experiences of depression and the internal struggle and polarizations that are happening, there can begin to be some space: for acceptance, for self-compassion, and for new behaviors like shifting to more positive self-talk or returning to self-care routines like a regular bedtime, exercise, and connecting with others.
IFS isn’t just about what happens in the therapy session. It’s also about how an individual relates to themselves, every day. As we learn to pay attention and get to know inner parts of ourselves - our internal family - with interest, respect, and acknowledgement, these parts begin to trust our core Self. We begin to have a sense of space and choice, slowly and surely. The depressed parts may not totally disappear, but they are not taking over and flooding the system. There begins to be choice, and with choice comes hope and possibility.
In this way, IFS can help with daily symptoms of depression and with the deep causes of an individual’s pain, shame, and trauma that are contributing to the depression.
A Case Study: Clara* and her Depression, and the IFS therapy that helped her
Clara* was a successful professional and respected by her colleagues at work, with good friends and a meaningful hobby. But she really struggled with having a lot of critical thoughts about herself, had frequent crying jags, and a lot of uncertainty about her future. Clara had been struggling with feeling unseen in her relationship for a long time, and didn’t know how to get her needs met or what she even wanted. She often stayed up too late binging on Netflix shows, often with a glass of wine. Her teenage daughter would tell Clara that she wasn’t acting like her mother, and that Clara was distant and irritable. Clara came to IFS therapy because she wanted to feel better, and she didn’t know what to do.
Her therapist took the time to hear how Clara is functioning now and what is going on in her life, and how she wants it to be. By asking open questions and listen carefully, an IFS therapist can hear for those parts: the exiles that carry pain, shame, and self- blame (or other-blame), along with burdens of belief from earlier experiences in life, such as, “I am not worth loving” or “I have to deny my own needs to have connection with others.”
The therapist, and also the client, can also hear how the protector parts are trying to help, often in polarized and unskillful (though well-meaning) ways. The part that gets Clara to zone out in front of the screen with a glass of wine is trying to help her feel some relief through escape, even though that is perpetuating a sense of stuckness, and causing sleepless nights and no chance to practice more ways of soothing and regulating. The parts that focus on Clara’s partner’s upsetting behaviors are also trying to help, even though that keeps Clara focused on someone who she can’t change and diverts her energy and attention toward herself and learning how to set healthy boundaries and develop the courage to speak up.
Clara's pain and confusion was witnessed by her IFS therapist, who helped her to identify and relate to her parts inside with curiosity and compassion. Clara began to pay more attention to her own feelings and needs. She began to notice her negative self-talk and slowly but surely became more patient with herself. She began to make changes in her life, including gathering the courage to speak up when her partner was disrespectful towards her, and settling respectful and clear boundaries about what she would accept. She got curious about her drinking protector part, which was trying to help her feel some sense of relief and escape from the stress and sadness of her life in the only way that this part knew how: by drinking. As her self-esteem returned, Clara began to make choices about how to care for her moods, feelings and energy in more productive ways. Over time, Clara’s daughter began to notice a change, and told Clara that she felt like she got her mom back. Clara reported that she had more energy and hopefulness than she’d had in a long time.
Conclusion: IFS gets to the heart of Depression, and Heals it from the Inside Out
Working with depression with an IFS lens is not just about helping someone get out of bed and get to work each day. It’s so much more than that, and so much deeper than that - because depression is so much more, and is so deeply intertwined with a person’s life experiences. Depression can have roots all the way from childhood and adolescence, and from a person’s emerging sense of self and beliefs about themselves, others and the world. With IFS, an individual like Clara can learn to compassionately notice the pain and stuckness and recognize and change the old behaviors that are keeping her stuck and depressed.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model and technique. It is also a philosophy and a worldview. According to the IFS perspective, acceptance of all of oneself with compassion and curiosity and not reactivity, leads to internal shifts that change the way a person experiences themselves, others and the world.
IFS offers a radically different way to approach depression: not as a disorder to be repressed, controlled, avoided or pushed away, but as a collection of thoughts, feelings, memories, beliefs and pain that can be seen, heard, understood and ultimately transformed.
With a trained and skilled IFS therapist, an individual with depression can find a new way of being with themselves and with their depressed part. Step by step, they can begin to feel hope. There is witnessing, there is healing, there is change. Depression goes from being a person’s total identity (“I am depressed”) to being a part of themselves that they can heal through non-judgmental attention, love and care. Learning and loving one’s parts through the calm, compassionate connection of Self energy is a radical way to be with oneself, and it makes all of the difference.
The content on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, thinking about suicide, or in immediate danger, please take action right away:
Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (available 24/7 nationwide).
Call 211 and press 1 to reach the Maryland Crisis Hotline (available 24/7 for local Maryland support).
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with the Crisis Text Line.
*Clients are composites and identifying information has been changed.