A New Gratitude for a New Year
A recent FCCW blog explored the many legitimate challenges to feeling gratitude for the many things that we have and could feel grateful for. This writing is an invitation to consider gratitude for what you carry within you.
As you go about your day, you may notice that you have a fair number of thoughts, worries, hopes, and impulses. You probably find some of these useful as you do all of the things that you are called to do each day, and you may also find several others problematic or scary. What if everything happening inside of you, these desires and worries were connected to parts of you that have positive intentions for you? This includes the part of you that plans and pays your taxes early, the part that says ‘I need to stop eating bread’, and the part of you that may procrastinate at work. They are all working to help in the way they best know how, and that is worthy of recognition.
What if you could take a moment to extend curiosity towards those thoughts and behaviors? Furthermore, what if you could notice and appreciate the sincere feeling and effort behind them? The difference between results and intention is important to distinguish here. Maybe you’ve had a house plant that suffered from your well intentioned, but overzealous watering, or maybe you were so focused on capturing photos from a special event that you were unable to be present for it. This is similar to how we hope to love friends and family members, for who they are rather than how well they perform. You likely don’t appreciate your sibling in proportion to their birthday present to you, nor do you value your friend based on the effectiveness of their advice to you.
You may find these inquiries interesting to explore, and you may find it difficult in practice. That is why IFS therapists, including myself are trained to help with just that, so that you can move towards feeling that appreciation that every part of you deserves. You don’t have to do this on your own.
Practicing this new kind of Gratitude: Checking in with Curiosity
If you do want to give this kind of gratitude a try ~
Notice a thought or impulse to do something.
Pause and take a breath to check-in within (in other words, pay attention to your thoughts, feelings and sensations) and listen for why this thought or action is occurring.
Then, invite further curiosity with “What is important to know about this?”
You may or may not notice a response inside of you. Just like any relationship, connecting to parts takes time and trust. You can still go ahead and extend gratitude for the efforts of this part of you. See how this shift lands in your system, and if desired write down how this felt with a few simple notes or by journaling.
This practice can be small, just a few seconds long, and repeated as often as you like with the same part or multiple parts of your Self. This is a very simple IFS (Internal Family Systems) practice that you can do on your own and get to know yourself a bit better.
In the meantime, I am sending some gratitude for the hope and worry, for the wonder, and skepticism that your parts carry inside of you…and the part of me that helped to write this blog, along with the one that will allow enjoyment of another hot coffee on this winter’s day.